Rewards and Incentives

I've been a parent long enough to know all of the various controversies about rewarding and incentivizing chores. There are schools of thought that INSIST that rewarding kids for performing the basic things that need to get done around the house sets them up for expecting to be rewarded for accomplishing the bare minimum in life. While I understand this philosophy to some extent, I also know that *I* try to reward myself for work well done. My chore system incorporates rewards into the tasks, and I schedule "self-care" time every day to ensure I am not 100% task-focused all day, every day.

I have tried multiple reward systems for my kids. The problem is that I have to witness the act in order to reward it, and often the children take care of their chores when I'm not around to witness them. Also, I relate to the philosophy of lowered expectations stated above enough to not want to reward the bare minimum. So what I have tried to integrate into my chore system is a means of providing natural positive consequences for completion of tasks, and rewards for going above and beyond expectations.

So, we have levels and systems. For one thing, the kids are allowed to watch TV while they eat breakfast until 10 AM, if they have completed all of their morning chores and are caught up on their regular daily chores and school work. Beyond that, both kids are responsible for earning 3 chore points (by either doing 3 different chores, or any variation of chores to total 3 "stickers" - based on the degree of chore difficulty as delineated in my previous post.) and being caught up on school work before getting any screen time during the day. Additionally, chores need to stay caught up for the week in order to earn screen time, so if a child does not do any chores one day, they need to do 6 chores the next day, then 9, 12, etc. However, this tally resets weekly to avoid that feeling of overwhelmingness that can occur when a child has slacked on chores all week. The "natural" reward of screen time (e.g. being able to relax with the knowledge that all of your work is done) generally motivates them to get stuff done, but sometimes even I have a need to slack all week, damn the consequences! So I have also been working on allowing my kids to suffer the natural consequence of NOT getting screen time without adding to it by nagging.

Once the three chore (or three sticker) requirement has been met, any additional chores earn stickers in the sticker bank. These stickers for going above and beyond expectations can be cashed in for various privileges or variable value. Examples of the rewards (we're still working on adjusting the economy so it's reasonable, so I'm not posting values here) that sticker bank stickers can earn are:

• Choosing the restaurant when we go out to eat
• Choosing the movie for family movie night
• Choosing the game for family game night
• One-on-one time with mom at the arcade
• Cash money!

I also hand out sticker bank stickers when I catch the kids practicing behaviors that are new and positive. This morning, Cole unplugged the dishwasher (we have a plug in portable dishwasher that we move to the sink every night and move back to the counter every morning) and moved it back to its proper location. He's never done this before unprompted, so I gave him a sticker. This week, the boys didn't have any arguments, so I gave them both two stickers for being nice to each other. Stuff like that.

This system is still new to us, but it seems to be working really well. The only rule is that the boys are really not supposed to request extra stickers FOR THEMSELVES (otherwise I spend all day fending off these requests, and it becomes more of a hassle)...but, in the interest of promoting good brotherhood, they are allowed to request extra stickers for their sibling. :)

Does that sound crazy? How are rewards handled in your household? How were they handled in the household you grew up in?

Is there really such a thing as a waste of time?

It has taken me 41 years to admit to myself that I can never get everything accomplished that I need to get accomplished in any given day, week, month, or year...or lifetime, for that matter. So my only last resort is to let go and relax. I don't enjoy task management because I'm a neat freak whose goal is to keep everything in order at all times. I enjoy task management because I know time is finite and I don't want to waste it all getting stuff done.

However, because I'm a busy individual with a plethora of interests, I find myself more often over than under scheduled. And with work, children, friends being far more vocal advocates for my time and attention - it's often difficult to advocate for myself and physical/mental/emotional down time. Time for reading. Time for art. Time to take a nap, or a walk, or a swim, or a trip to the coffee shop.

Let me advocate for that for you. It's important. It's important to take time away from work, kids, friends, family, obligations and do the things that make you happy. If you are lucky enough to be able to schedule that time...I recommend you do so. If you have only minutes a day that you can check out...I've been there. I well remember a time that a shower was my sanctuary, if I could only manage to take one that day! Keep it in mind. You will one day have the time. And when you do, make sure you set it aside.

I thought I was going to write about rewards today, but as my time without the children in the house winds down, I've been reflecting on how I've spent my time and whether or not I've wasted time. And then I go all punkrockzen and say "Is there really such a thing as a waste of time?" Because I have spent my "extra" time doing so much thinking and writing and playing and planning and creating. I suppose I didn't run naked through the house or throw a crazy drug party or travel around the world or even, for that matter, do any of the overambitious road trips I had planned to do, and I suppose my bedroom is just as messy as it was when the guys left a month ago, and I suppose I didn't eat homecooked meals and take the bus to work every day while they were gone, but I feel good. I feel solid. I feel refreshed. And, just as I predicted, now that I'm finally done mourning their absence...they're coming home. And that's just fine with me.

Chore Charts, Revisited.

When I first read _Cheaper By the Dozen_ in my elementary school years, I was impressed by the father's bizarre devotion to efficiency. I remember little else about the book, but this impression has stuck with me my entire life.

So it is kind of funny to me that I think my children will look back at our lives and will hopefully be amused by my own undying devotion to creating The World's Best Chore System. My dedication to this goal has led me from index cards to wall charts to computer-based task lists to my newest iteration in the form of excel spreadsheets, 3 ring binders, and stickers.

I am obsessed with time and task management and am always looking for new methods of organizing activities, with an element of chaos and a goal of rewards and relaxation. My life has always been full of various activities that are as time consuming as they are fulfilling, so I have never been able to judge the success of my time management skills by the state of my immediate surroundings. Projects are always halfway done, the house is never in a pristine state, and I have a difficult time convincing myself to slow down, relax, and enjoy myself in the perpetual undone state of things. Combine that with children who have my tendencies towards slobbishness, and homeschooling and working and trying desperately to focus on creative endeavors...and you see the need for a good task management system.

There are several components to my system, and any one of them could (and probably will) warrant an entire blog post that will expose entirely too much of my bizarre way of dealing with the world. For this post, I would like to talk about my ever-changing chore charts, and the most recent iteration of them that I have just finalized.

In most task management systems you read about, the focus is on managing unique tasks that spring up, are handled, and are over. What I like to focus on instead are recurring tasks. So, the first step in creating a chore chart is to define all of the recurring tasks that need to be delegated. What I do is divide the house into zones. Such as:

• Kitchen
• Bathroom
• Bedrooms
• Outside
• Hallway
• Laundry Room
• Living Room
• General

I then brainstorm all of the possible chores that need to be done in each of these zones, trying to focus on breaking it down to an elemental level, such as:

Once I have all of the individual tasks for each zone identified, I define the frequency that the task should recur, such as:

I do all of this on an Excel Spreadsheet, with each zone on it's own tab. Most tasks recur frequently, but there are other tasks, such as organizing the silverware drawer, mopping, washing windows, etc. which occur monthly, quarterly, or less frequently. I also include general maintenance, such as tiling the floor, painting, replacing appliances or furniture, and "wish list" items, just so I can keep track of the needs for those things along with the rest of the tasks that recur in that area.

Once I've defined the zones, the tasks, and the frequency of the tasks, I add a column in my spreadsheet to assign a point value for each chore. This speaks to my reward system, which I will discuss in a future post, and takes into account the duration in time that the chore requires, and allows for a range of points based on the thoroughness with which the chore is completed. In the end, my chart looks something like this:

Once I'm done with all of these steps for all of the zones I've identified, I divide up the zones per person. For example, using my previous zones:

• Kitchen, Laundry room, Bedroom - Mom
• Bathroom, Outdoors, Bedroom - Monk
• Living Room, Hallway, Bedroom - Cole

And each person also gets a "general" chart on which miscellaneous chores and opportunities are listed with associated frequencies and scales.

All of these charts are printed (as you can see, they are on a grid, which allows for tracking of when each chore has been completed, and pretty much allows for an entire month's worth of chores to be printed at once) and put into a three-ring binder with a tab for each person and their assigned chore chart behind their tab. The tab also serves as a "bank" for stickers that are earned for completion of chores and extra responsibilities, to be used as currency in the reward system I will discuss in my next post.

In addition to these recurring chores, I also assign each child "morning chores" - which are things that need to be taken care of every day without fail. These are:

• Unload the Dishwasher
• Take Out the Compost
• Bring In the Laundry
• Feed the Pets
• Take Out the Trash

These chores are divided up so each kid has a certain number of them to do based on whether it's an odd or even day. In other words, Monk might be responsible for unloading the dishwasher and taking out the compost on odd days, and for Bringing in the laundry and taking out the trash on even days...and vice versa for Cole. One child is in charge of feeding the cats, and the other is in charge of feeding the dog.

And that's pretty much the start of it. Once the chores are in the binder, the kids and I can select what we want to do on any given day, and keep track of what has been done. We can also find fun ways to motivate each other to do our chores, which is what I'm going to talk about in my next post...so stay tuned!

In the meantime, I'm curious...what sorts of chore charting or methods for staying on top of recurring tasks do you use? Are you the kind of person who does certain things on certain days, or do you prefer an element of chaos? How do you deal with rewards based on actual work done? Are there any challenges in your household to accomplishing everything you need to accomplish on a regular basis? What do you do to motivate your family to get things done?