Rewards and Incentives

I've been a parent long enough to know all of the various controversies about rewarding and incentivizing chores. There are schools of thought that INSIST that rewarding kids for performing the basic things that need to get done around the house sets them up for expecting to be rewarded for accomplishing the bare minimum in life. While I understand this philosophy to some extent, I also know that *I* try to reward myself for work well done. My chore system incorporates rewards into the tasks, and I schedule "self-care" time every day to ensure I am not 100% task-focused all day, every day.

I have tried multiple reward systems for my kids. The problem is that I have to witness the act in order to reward it, and often the children take care of their chores when I'm not around to witness them. Also, I relate to the philosophy of lowered expectations stated above enough to not want to reward the bare minimum. So what I have tried to integrate into my chore system is a means of providing natural positive consequences for completion of tasks, and rewards for going above and beyond expectations.

So, we have levels and systems. For one thing, the kids are allowed to watch TV while they eat breakfast until 10 AM, if they have completed all of their morning chores and are caught up on their regular daily chores and school work. Beyond that, both kids are responsible for earning 3 chore points (by either doing 3 different chores, or any variation of chores to total 3 "stickers" - based on the degree of chore difficulty as delineated in my previous post.) and being caught up on school work before getting any screen time during the day. Additionally, chores need to stay caught up for the week in order to earn screen time, so if a child does not do any chores one day, they need to do 6 chores the next day, then 9, 12, etc. However, this tally resets weekly to avoid that feeling of overwhelmingness that can occur when a child has slacked on chores all week. The "natural" reward of screen time (e.g. being able to relax with the knowledge that all of your work is done) generally motivates them to get stuff done, but sometimes even I have a need to slack all week, damn the consequences! So I have also been working on allowing my kids to suffer the natural consequence of NOT getting screen time without adding to it by nagging.

Once the three chore (or three sticker) requirement has been met, any additional chores earn stickers in the sticker bank. These stickers for going above and beyond expectations can be cashed in for various privileges or variable value. Examples of the rewards (we're still working on adjusting the economy so it's reasonable, so I'm not posting values here) that sticker bank stickers can earn are:

• Choosing the restaurant when we go out to eat
• Choosing the movie for family movie night
• Choosing the game for family game night
• One-on-one time with mom at the arcade
• Cash money!

I also hand out sticker bank stickers when I catch the kids practicing behaviors that are new and positive. This morning, Cole unplugged the dishwasher (we have a plug in portable dishwasher that we move to the sink every night and move back to the counter every morning) and moved it back to its proper location. He's never done this before unprompted, so I gave him a sticker. This week, the boys didn't have any arguments, so I gave them both two stickers for being nice to each other. Stuff like that.

This system is still new to us, but it seems to be working really well. The only rule is that the boys are really not supposed to request extra stickers FOR THEMSELVES (otherwise I spend all day fending off these requests, and it becomes more of a hassle)...but, in the interest of promoting good brotherhood, they are allowed to request extra stickers for their sibling. :)

Does that sound crazy? How are rewards handled in your household? How were they handled in the household you grew up in?